It's been 1660 days since I've joined. That's almost five years. ALMOST. Five years is about 1800 days. So I think when it becomes April, I'll be joined five years. Five years of tears. Five years of ... smiles? Maybe not. Most likely tears.
But anyways. This moment is probably the first time I've spent 10 consecutive minutes outside of my bed. I've been laying in bed sick for the past three days? It feels like eight. I've been sick since Monday. I haven't been to school since Tuesday. I'm going back tomorrow. I needed a FULL recover/try to get my voice back day. I can barely speak. It hurts too bad. I can barely swallow. It hurts too bad. I went outside yesterday (to steal mail (out of my own mailbox)) and I briskly walked to the mailbox and I just about DIED. Right then I knew to crawl back into the comfort of my blankets and weep and weep and smile that I wasn't gonna go to gym. That moment I developed a cough. I haven't stopped coughing since. The bad thing about my coughing is that every time I cough, I feel like I'm about to vomit--I haven't yet though.
Over the course of me being sick: -Drank probably half to one whole water bottle case. -Used a box of tissues. -Used a few rolls of toilet paper. (When the tissues ran out. And I peed like 800 times, probably due to the water bottles) -Drank almost 2 full bottles of Nyquil/Dayquil -1.5 bags of cough drops (since last night) -About 200 rubs of vapor rubbage -Slept probably 40 hours (non-consecutive) in the past 3(?) days. -Watched Mean Girls & Hitch probably 5 times each. -ATE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. -Pooped once. And not a normal type, but I won't get into my bowl movements for sake of gross factor.
I haven't brushed my hair/teeth since I've been sick. I brushed my teeth today. It was gross. They were greally grit and grimy from all the nyquil stuck on. Usually I down nyquil and swig water to then swish it around my mouth so it won't stay on my teeth. This seriously does not feel like three days. This is the third day? It honestly feels like the eigth. In the past few days the only thing I've eaten was a few pretzles and two bowls of soup. My throat is starting to hurt as I keep typing. But I want to finish before I go upstairs And get water/dayquil/coughdrops/vicks vapor rub. My mum bought fucking BABY RUB. It's ridiculous. It's a tiny bottle. And it's made for babies. How does Vicks work? That's the underlying question. But I have to a shit load of homework for my classes tomorrow that I STILL haven't done. So... I gotta get to that. I really don't have any desire to go to school tomorrow. But I also have no desire to stay home. I'm missing the outside world. I missed the Phillies lose. I missed things happening in Politics--they brought the maps & blue/red colors back. My mom went shopping... TWICE. I mean, seriously, how can you go shopping that many times? I read three books... This cannot just be two/three days.
Someone from Ontario is on my page a lot. I don't mind that. Especially since they're Canadian. I just wish they'd make themselves known. "Footprints" Are quite odd. It's weird to see people actually look at this. And read it. It's more of just for me. Just something to keep me company--espeically when there's nobody else--especially when I'm sick.
I might be TOO excited for my sister to rent a movie. I was watching... some movie yesterday with Eva Mendes and now I just wanna watch Hitch. So I hope she rents it. I'm too excited. Right now would be pretty much the equivalent of love. Not love. Because it'd be creepy. But the equivalent of so much deep feeling.
So let's just hope that Eva Mendes is what I fall asleep to. ;)
Today is the worst fucking day ever. I can write something out but I can't say it. Y'know how badly that sucks? Pretty much more than anything. I hate everything. I can't even blame this on anybody but myself. NATURE VS. NURTURE. That's the underlying question of why I am the way that I am.
If I weren't over the age of 3 I'd self diagnose myself with autism. Because I'm pretty sure I have all of the social symptoms according to the Mayo Clinic online website. --Which I trust them. These are the symptoms.
Fails to respond to his or her name - RARELY.
Has poor eye contact - I don't look people in the eyes.
Appears not to hear you at times - That's called ignoring.
Resists cuddling and holding - Completely. I hate being touched.
Appears unaware of others' feelings - I'm aware of them, I just don't get affected by them.
Seems to prefer playing alone — retreats into his or her "own world" -- I would rather be in my "own world"
What's so bad about being socially inward? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'd rather write alone than be at a bonfire. I'd rather sit alone playing guitar and watching a lame TV Show than hanging out with somebody. I'd say I have the social skills of an autistic child, but maybe that's just anti-social personality disorder. Since when is being anti-social a disorder. I'm not sure of that. Why can't this just be normal for me. That's just messed up. That's another reason I hate medicine. But that's also another reason why I hate psychologists, they're all theoretically based. They have no hard evidence, on anything. It's all based on guessing. That might be another reason why I love it.
But most of all--I hate everything that has to do with my life. Anything that's not been touched by my life is beautiful. Anything that my life has not directly affected is amazing. I mess up everything there is to know. I don't want to do my homework right now. I'm hot. I'm exhausted even though I slept about 10+ hours yesterday. Messed up, huh? I am messed up, according to other people. I'm messed up according to myself. I just want to go back to conte skulls and hips. I just want to go back to my shower. This weekend is going to suck.
Gus: Hey what's that lesbians name? Haley: Hey Steph. Uh, Mallory. Gus: Hahahahaha that was awkward. Funniest + Best thing of the day. Ya had to be there. I miss Gus! That was the best conversation of the day.
And I'm gonna give a speech on Wedding Crashers. You have to recite lines from it. And it has to be memorized. And that's easy. It has the word "ass" in there, but I can use "butt" if she thinks it's inappropriate.
GO STEADY WITH ME I know it turns you off when I get talking like a teen.
p.s. Sainthood came out today. p.p.s. An Horse comes to Peoria tomorrow! p.p.p.s Augusten Burroughs had his book release today in Chicago!
Every morning seems to call my cats to commandeer my pillow. It gets quite ridiculous. It's not comfortable. And that might be the reason I leave my bed early every morning. I might not be ever able to share a bed with somebody. I hate it. I always find myself singing back-up vocals. I'm not sure why. I don't really have anything to say, I realized. I forgot what I was going to say anyways now. So it's all just been nothing.
This weekend was crap though. I went somewhere to buy things. And we forgot our credit card. It sucked. Omg. It was quite funny, but sucked at the same time. I don't really care though... I dunno why I don't care. I don't wanna be here today. I'm not even supposed to be here! I'm hungry.
